Oh, This Child of Mine

My baby boy. He sure has given me one heck of a time in this pregnancy- keeping me guessing up until the very end. Today we're at 40 weeks and 5 days, so I'll be 41 weeks on Saturday. Being overdue.... well, it blows! The waiting, oh the waiting. And I feel so surprised to still be waiting because I have been dilated and effaced/softened with him in a great position for weeks now. So why won't he just come out? Yesterday we had a sonogram to make sure he is still well and safe in there, and luckily he is doing just fine, and I am too... aside from my emotions. Physically, I am ok... I feel like I can handle being pregnant for a little bit longer. But not too much longer!

The sonogram revealed his position is posterior, or "sunny side up"- with his back to my back- like this:

It's not really a huge problem- babies can still be born posterior, it just sometimes means longer pregnancy, longer labor, more likely to tear, more likely to need vaccum or forceps or cesarean. He can still try and wiggle himself into a more favorable position, and the odds are in favor of that- about 87% of them are able to turn. He does have the cord around his neck once, maybe that's keeping him from wanting to turn, who knows. Anyway- we are going to give him some more time to come on his own, but if he doesn't come by Monday I'm probably going to the hospital to get induced. We have the induction scheduled for 8 am Monday. Research shows that inductions done at 41 weeks have more successful rates of vaginal birth than inductions done at 42 weeks. But I don't know, we'll see what happens this weekend. I still have more time to think about it, and as long as he is still ok in there that's what matters.

I have had some desperate moments.... just wanting him to come. Tired of waiting. Tired of pregnant. Tired of people asking me "How far along are you?" Worried he will come too late and my parents might be gone. I've stressed out too much about it, I know. But it's hard not to. It's such a big thing! I've been taking special herbs, and using primrose oil, eating all those spicy foods and pineapple, and doing all those things that are recommended as natural ways to induce labor. None of them have done a damn thing. Last night I started thinking I should just drink some castor oil as my last resort. I thought maybe it would be more favorable to drink castor oil as opposed to going to the hospital for a medical induction. But I was talked out of it. Once you drink it you can't go back and get it out... you shit your brains out, it can dehydrate you and put your baby under stress and you wouldnt even know it because you aren't able to monitor how he's doing at home. It's better not to go that way. I dont want to take the risk. I guess I can try doing some exercises to get him into a better position, and also... first timers are normally late.... everything is fine. Just so ready.

Poor Lina- yesterday she asked me, like she has almost everyday for the last 2 months, "Was Ben born yet?!?" And yesterday I was just so emotional about the fact he still wasn't here and my just scheduled induction.... I snapped at her, "Don't ever ask me that ever again. When he is born you will know it." And she said, "But how will I know?" and I said sharply, "Well I won't have a huge bump on my belly and you'll see a baby!" I was just so tired of it all ya know. Still, she's just a kid, maybe she really doesn't get it and I shouldn't have responded like that. I apologized to her. Things will be better for us all when he comes.

We are so ready for you Ben! Pleaaaaaase be born soon!