A New Year, Full of Things That Have Never Been

"And now let us believe in a long year that is given to us,

new, untouched, full of things that have never been."

-Rainer Maria Rilke

32 weeks

33 weeks

I'm 33 weeks today! Things have been a little different lately. I'm tired a little more easily and take naps more often. Sometimes I can nap for 2 hours+ in the afternoon and still be able to go to sleep that night. There have been some good laughs in the last weeks too... like the morning when I was talking to Noel and suddenly stopped to look down at my shirt and see two wet spots. I was leaking! Sorry, TMI? We thought it was hilarious. And I was happy to see my stuff is working and ready! Haha I'm sure if Ben ever reads this one day he'll really love me sharing these details.

I have been a little more absent minded as the weeks progress. I got a message from mom saying they got two packages for me at their house. I thought wait a minute, I've been waiting for that stuff from amazon.... and yep... I accidentally sent all my recent amazon.com purchases to Texas. Doh! Mom and Dad were like, "You don't live here anymore honey, did you forget?" I don't really know what I did. I'm no sure it was entirely my fault though. The website probably did something weird. At least I didn't send the stuff to El Salvador! My cats really need that laser toy I bought them!

Christmas was wonderful. We celebrated and exchanged presents on the Friday before Christmas while we still had Lina before she left with her mom for the vacation. She was very excited about her gifts- new dolls, silly putty, a sled. She even got a phone call from Santa Claus! Noel bought me a kindle fire- which is totally awesome!- and a beautiful heart necklace. And all I got him was a pair sweat pants! But he really seems to love them, so... I guess I did good!

Father-Daughter shot...
Lina loves her pink sled! She spent that whole night sliding off her bed down the ramp she made out of her stuffed animals.

With his fancy pants

For Christmas Eve I was planning on making Noel a nice big home cooked meal, like a pot roast or something. But he didn't seem too wild about it... he said, "I'll be eating pot roast for days" quite unenthusiastically. That's because I'm known for not being very good about eating leftovers. So I didn't end up going to the store for anything... and when dinner time came I just made my old family recipe of egg noodles with cottage cheese dumped on top. I've never met anyone outside of my family who eats this. Introducing it to Noel, he thought it was the greatest dish ever! He was way more excited about noodles and cheese than he would have ever been about a pot roast I worked hours on preparing. The man is easy to please I guess!

Christmas day it was just the two of us. We had an early breakfast and headed out to finally visit some of the monuments at the national mall. The Lincoln Memorial was #1 on our list. Abe is so much bigger in real life than I thought he would be! Then we did the Vietnam and the WWII Memorials. After seeing all that and several hours of walking I was tired and ready for lunch, so we headed over to get some Dim Sum. The place we went to was packed! I decided I am not into Dim Sum. All your food you get off carts they push around, and they mark on your paper what you take. It's kind of expensive for what it is. And all the food we got was cold- maybe because they were so busy and couldn't keep up- but the carts don't keep it warm. So it felt like we paid too much for cold Chinese food. Bah. I'd rather just go to a regular Chinese restaurant or even a buffet.

With Abraham! It was Noel's first time to visit him too!

At the WWII Memorial

Noel and I went to see the movie This is 40 this week too- the movie about the couple that's in denial about turning 40. There were some really funny parts. The funniest thing about going to see it though was the conversation I had with Noel beforehand: 

He said something like, Well I still have a couple years to go before I hit 40. 
Me: Ummm, no you don't honey. You are turning 39 next week! 
We had a good laugh because he truly didn't realize that it's just around the corner for him. It's like he didn't see it coming at all. Since then he's made several comments about almost being 40... It suddenly seems like he's really preparing for it. But it's no big deal honey! You have a hot 26 year old wife! It's nice to not spend time dwelling on your age anyway. Maybe I shouldn't have corrected him and let him continue thinking he still had years to go before he made it over the hill. I love you! :)

A few days ago I started feeling Ben's kicks/punches in new places, up high above my belly button. I started psyching myself out that it was some Christmas miracle and he had flipped. Convincing myself this is what happened, I got all carried away thinking I had dumped my midwives too soon and I would have to suddenly start over on my home birth plans and find a new midwife. So I was really looking forward to my doctor appointment yesterday for him to tell me of this miracle.

Well that didn't happen. Yes I was feeling movement in new places.... but he still wasn't head down. The nurse said it felt like he just slid down a little and is kind of sideways now with his feet and arms in the perfect position to kick and jab at me up top. I guess you could say he's halfway there! And since he is getting bigger his movement is feeling different because of that too. I'll stop getting worked up about the possibility of this happening. I just would give anything for him to be in the perfect, normal position. I wish he could just do it... all my prego friends' babies are there. *sigh* Whatever will be, will be... I think I set myself back thinking he had turned. I just need to accept this c-section for good. Nothing I can do about it. And everything else still looked good at the appointment yesterday, so that's wonderful! We have an ultrasound on Wednesday just to check on him and his position. Oh, baby! I can't wait to see you!

The weather here is getting kind of cold and dreary. But was snowing today for a bit! Big big flakes! It was beautiful!

We bought Ben's car seat and pack n play last weekend! We've already got them set up and ready to go. This is gettin' real, y'all! Yesterday my neighbor upstairs gave me one of her old pack n plays for free. So now we have two! Haha, We could return the new one.... but I'm thinking it'd be handy to have a spare one we don't care about if we leave it behind after our travels or something. For now, we're just going to keep both.

Check out Ben's fancy new ride! Installed and ready to go :) Maybe it's a bit early, but it's one less thing to worry about. And we sure don't have space in the house for his big convertible car seat!

We are going to use the pack n play as his temporary crib until we move to Manila. It takes up a lot less space in our bedroom. I covered the inside with foil, hoping that would keep the cats from wanting to jump in there. I read somewhere that they would get scared of the noise when they jump in. It didn't work. But luckily they don't seem to like hanging out in it too much anyway.

Next time I write it will be 2013! Where did 2012 go!? It seems like just yesterday was January 20th and I was in San Salvador ringing the bell at the Peace Corps office marking the end of my service. What a wonderful year it was! It was full of change... of endings and beginnings... of marriage and moves.  And 2013 will bring even more exciting changes! Of things that have never been....
5 more weeks until baby Ben!!!! Oooooooh I can't wait!

I leave you with these pictures :)
Paz y amor!

Happy on Christmas morning

Liberty loves watching the snow fall, pawing at it through the window can keep her busy for hours.

Best snowfall watching seat in the house

My beautiful Blessingway necklace! Many thanks to Susan Schickling for making it!
And the heart necklace is my gorgeous Christmas gift from Noel :)

Mr. Jeff loves it when we go shopping at Whole Foods

After a long hard day of playing inside boxes and bags.
I can't wait to sleep on my back like this.

Overcoming Fear and Disappointment

My how things have changed since my last blog. I had a great trip home to Texas. It was wonderful spending time with my family and friends and having a blessingway. It was such a blessing that I was able to go. We found out some new things about Ben while I was there that have completely changed our birth plans. All because my mom felt my belly and thought something felt a little off so she suggested we go to her superstar ultrasonographer just to be sure everything was ok.

This blog has been hard for me to write because there's so much that has happened, and includes stuff I had much disappointment and fear over. But I'm cranking it out anyway. If it's not my best writing or exactly how I want it to be- whatever!- it is all part of Ben's story, and I'm not leaving any holes. 

So this entry is in parts. The first part I wrote while I was in Texas the day after I found out about our baby's situation. So it sounds extra emotional, maybe even a little dramatic. I've calmed down since then, but I've chosen to share it because it's all part of the journey. 
I'll just go ahead and say now that, above all, we are so grateful that Ben looks like a very healthy normal baby. It's a wonderful thing that we were able to find out this information so that we can make sure he arrives safely. 

Part One: Dec 8, 2012

Yesterday we had an ultrasound. I got to see his sweet face in 3D and he looks so much like his daddy! The sonographer even said he has a big head and big muscular thighs... Just like daddy! -who was a very cute baby! :) It was so wonderful to see him. In the ultrasound the lady said he had nuchal chord twice. I asked, "Does that mean he is tangled in his cord?" All they told me at the time was yes. They didn't make a big deal about it and my mom and I were too busy oohing and awww-ing over his sweet face that I didn't think much more about it until later. Just look at him! He is so cute I can hardly stand it!

He looks like he is smiling right!?
That's his cute little foot and his hand in his face.

It was confirmed what I already suspected... He is breech. I was pretty sure he was because for the last few weeks I have felt all the strong kicks down really low. None of this worried me too much while we were in the ultrasound. I knew he was breech myself before just because I get all my his hard kicks down really low. I figured it was ok for him to be breech at 30 weeks and that he still had plenty of time to turn. I was too busy falling in love with his sweet face to worry about anything. We could even see him smiling!! My sweet little boy, I love you so much already.

On the way home with Mom I started thinking about and asking about what the sonographer said and what that means. Mom said she was going to wait until later to talk about it because she didn't want to upset me. But since I was asking- Nuchal cord means the cord is wrapped around his neck. It's not really that big of a deal usually, but because he's got it wrapped around twice that may make it too difficult for him to turn head down. So bottom line is- he still has time to turn, it just may be harder for him. He may turn head down but still have his chord double wrapped. And I'm told it's highly unlikely he will get the cord off his neck. It's not impossible, but pretty unlikely. And if he's head down but still has the chord around his neck twice, mom thinks its still not a good idea for me to stick with the home birth. :( So at this point I am hoping he will turn down so I can at least have a natural birth in the hospital. Otherwise I will have to have a CSection, which I am mentally preparing for as well. 

When first getting this information and putting it all together I was feeling pretty devastated. I just felt like I could not stop crying. My dream of having a natural home birth is being severely threatened. And it came as such a shock to have to do this mind switch from visualizing my home birth for the last 7 months (and my whole life, really) to now preparing myself for a very different hospital birth and possibly a c section. It is all very scary to me. 

I felt safe and comfortable with my plans for birthing at home. I was deeply excited about it. But now I can no longer feel safe with that decision. And I don't yet feel completely comfortable with the hospital birth, but I certainly prefer it if it means Ben will get here safely. I want my baby to get here ok more than I want my home birth. 

I just never imagined this happening. That I could ever possibly be the in that small percentage of women that's not a good candidate for a home birth. I wanted to get all of the rewards of labor. I wanted to work and sweat and dangle in my husbands arms in my living room. I wanted to watch him emerge, and for my husband or my mom to catch my baby. I wanted Ben to enter this world in the natural way and for us to get the rewards of doing it together. I wanted to feel it all. I am so scared of how it will feel for us both for him to be born by cesarean. Part of my disappointment is I am afraid of missing out on something. Of us both missing out on the feelings you get or hormonal releases or just all the things I have been taught my whole life about why natural childbirth is so much better. I feel like I am mourning the loss of my natural home birth that I had looked forward to my whole life.  

I have to work through this sadness and accept that it is out of my hands. It's up to Ben. He may still turn. And if he doesn't, it will be ok. He won't turn if he knows its not good for him. And such is life right. This feels like my first lesson in parenting. As a parent I have to do whatever is best for my baby- even if it's not what I planned or envisioned.

It's good I found out about this so early because I have time to get used to my new plan. I am accepting it more and more as I consider it and the reasons for it being like this. Yes I'm disappointed that it probably won't be the way I had hoped for, but its out of my control. Like my Aunt Sheri told me "keep your eye on the prize" and that's what I will do. I won't focus on the fear and disappointment, I will focus on my baby and how wonderful it will be to have him here in my arms. Once we have him, it won't even matter how we got him we will just be so happy he is here. In the meantime, I ask for your prayers that he can figure out how to get himself where he needs to be so be can have a normal natural birth. It's not totally ruled out yet!


The Blessingway

"Ben-venido Baby" on the delicious cake compliments of my soon to be sister-in-law, Jenny. The clever word "Ben-venido" was all my brother Evan's idea. I love it!

It was great to have a Blessingway. For those of you who don't know- 

"Blessingway ceremonies create a sacred and safe environment where a mother-to-be can explore the challenges and joys that lie before her as she approaches birthing and mothering. Surrounded by the most important women in her life, she gains a sense of power, confidence, and support that will help her rise to motherhood. Birth is a key life passage for women. But modern culture has become preoccupied with the arrival of the baby-to-be and has lost touch with birth's profound impact on the expectant mother. While our most common birth preparations focus on getting women physically ready to give birth, the blessingway ceremony helps a woman to prepare mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the work of birthing, and it opens her to her instinctive abilities, which will guide her as she steps into the role of mother."

The circle we sat in

 My mom put a lot of work into planning it for me and it was wonderful! It was just what I needed. Our friend Alli came early and took some great maternity pictures of me with her photgraphy skills. My best friend from college, Sarah, cooked all the food, which was delicious! I had all the important women from my family there and some of my best, oldest friends. We all sat in a circle and they gave me the gift of their support, helping me feel stronger and more ready for whatever it is that is coming my way in these next few months. There were lots of tears both happy and sad. Everyone shared sweet poems or stories they chose just for me. My cousin Laurie even sang me a song! Everyone in the circle brought me a special bead that meant something about becoming a mother. There were even tons more beads that were mailed in from the good friends that couldn't be there. The beads are all being made into a necklace for me by a good family friend. I can't wait to see it and wear it as a reminder of how loved, supported, and strong I am. It was all very meaningful and up-lifting. It was really beautiful- just what I needed after my ultrasound news the day before. 

30 weeks

My beautiful henna belly. Many thanks to the artist, Alli!

With Jenny, Granny, Mom, and Mama

All of the beautiful beads I received for my necklace

Back at Home in VA

The Thursday after I got back from Texas, Noel and I had an appointment with a Doctor. We brought him the ultrasound report to get his opinion on it. Upon meeting him we instantly felt like we could trust him. A very friendly and kind Cameroonian man, Dr. Tchabo, with an accent so heavy I frequently have to ask him to repeat himself. He has decades of experience and really makes you feel like you matter when you are in his office.

Anyway, he looked at the report and liked everything he saw- but when it came to the breech/nuchal chord matter he said he was 100% sure the baby would not turn and that I would need a c-section at 38 weeks. He was basically saying what my mom, who also has decades of experience, said... just much more firmly and bluntly. So that was it. That was enough for us to officially leave the midwives for him.

With the midwives we were at the point where we didn't feel like we could trust them anymore. When I talked to one of them about the baby's situation she was very nonchalant about it. First, she gave me terrible advice- telling me to try to do the tilting exercises to flip my baby, that the nuchal chord didn't matter. I talked to 2 experienced midwives and Dr. Tchabo about this who all said to leave the baby alone in this case. That it could be dangerous to try to force him to turn around. He needs to do it on his own. This midwife also said to me that nuchal chord isn't a big deal- that 50% of babies have it. I knew she was wrong when she said it. I had learned from my mom, another midwife and my own research it was 25% that have it. And that's just single- a double is less common. So I felt like I could not trust being in their care for sure anymore after this conversation. They also weren't doing things at my checkups that are standard procedure in prenatal care.

I'm lucky I went home and saw my mom- otherwise these midwives maybe would have sent me back to the inexperienced ultrasonographer I had a horrible experience with when I went to find out the sex. They maybe wouldn't have caught the nuchal chord. Maybe they would have had me trying to do things to flip my baby that would have been dangerous. And well... none of this really matters now, because luckily I was able to go to Texas and find this stuff out and now I am in the hands of a real professional that I can feel confident and safe with. And it's not like this Doctor would push me to have a c-section just for his convenience, like many do. Dr. Tchabo has a reputation for supporting women's decision to have a natural birth. We are in really good hands now. And if by some miracle Ben does flip I know this doctor will support me in doing a natural birth in the hospital. Ben has until the last minute to flip too. We will check on his position the day we go in for the c-section, just to confirm it's what we have to do.

So we are planning to schedule the c-section for Feb. 1st. I felt really disappointed about it at first- when he made it sound so definite that this is what would happen. I cried in his office, and even more on Noel's shoulder when we got to the parking lot. I was sad to see my home birth plans were squashed and frightened of what the c-section would be like.

I'm in a good place with it now though- feeling better, and more excited about it, every day. Talking with some women who have been through it has really helped. They have helped me see that it's not going to take away from my joy. It's about the big picture. One friend of my mom's told me that birth is like a wedding. You want your wedding day to be perfect and beautiful, but what it's really about is the marriage. That is just a really nice way to think of it. It makes so much sense. In the end, it's all about my son and being his parent. It doesn't matter if his birth was perfect or exactly the way I had wished. I am grateful that I was given this son at all. There are many women who want babies so badly but can't have them. They would not even for a second whine about having to have a c-section if it meant they were going to have a baby. I am so blessed.

In a previous blog I wrote about how my only plan for my home birth was to go with the flow. Well that should still apply now, maybe even more, that I'm having my hospital birth. And I have found many positives about this whole thing....

1. I get to know exactly when Ben is going to be born. 
2. I won't have to worry about my water breaking in a restaurant or on someones shoes somewhere. 
3. I get to go to bed one night and wake up the next day and say "All right, let's go have our baby!"
4. I know he will be born safely.
5. I get to revel in the joy of becoming a mother without the hours of labor pains and pushing.
6. We don't have to worry about what to do with Lina during the birth.
7. My parents know exactly when to fly up here.
8. I get to have him 2 weeks early. Otherwise I may have had to wait until 40-42 weeks or pregnancy. That's 2 weeks sooner I get to see him and hold him and kiss him. And that's also 2 weeks less of gaining weight!
9. Excuse me for being blunt... My vagina doesn't have to get all stretched out or ripped open!

So yea, there's a lot of great things about this. And now I can't wait for February 1st! That's less than 7 weeks away! 



Other news

I went to a wedding reception for one of Noel's good friends on Friday night. My friend Lisa and I got on the empty dance floor to shake it to a song that reminded us of our clubbing days at Multiplaza in San Salvador. I could see myself dancing in the mirror and I felt like I looked so ridiculous I could not stop laughing hysterically. Lisa could not stop saying, "Don't pee, don't fall!" What a great pregnancy moment. I'm glad I had my chance to rock my belly on the dance floor. Thanks for joining me Lisa!

I was so tired this weekend. Just lots of napping and laying around. I didn't have the energy to do much else. I did manage to get to the movies to see Life of Pi on Sunday. Awesome movie! I recommend it!

Mr. TJ's new favorite hangout: the bathroom sink

We have a shoe lace monster in our house, and his name is Mr. Thomas Jefferson. He has a thing for the shoe laces on Noel's dress shoes. He eats them all. Perhaps that is why he was vomiting this morning? I don't know. But I had to go out and buy Noel two new pairs of extra shoe laces this weekend because of this naughty boy cat. Good thing he is so cute and sweet and cuddly!

Evan modeling my new Moby wrap carrier with baby Eeyore

Mailing her letter to Santa Claus

31 weeks, 2 days

Thanks for reading y'all!

Countdown to baby Ben: 45 days!

Paz y Amor.

Happy Holidays! Home Stretch!

29 weeks + 2 days

The holiday season is upon us! It felt so far away for so long... I couldn't imagine what it would be like in December when I'd be in my 3rd trimester. In my head I pictured myself having a really really huge bump- and well- ok I do! But its not as big as I'd imagined in my day dreams. Or maybe it is an I just don't realize it. Last weekend a woman asked me how far along I was and after I told her she said, "Oh wow. I didn't get that big until after my 8th month." Clearly she hasn't been reading my blog- You just don't talk to pregos like that! It really is so nice when people compliment me and tell me I look good. And it seems like they aren't just saying it to be nice- when it seems like they actually mean it- I could cry it makes me so happy.

I've been bad the last few weeks. Holiday party = too many cupcakes! Proven by the number on the scale at my prenatal checkup yesterday- I have gotten too relaxed about things the past few weeks. Although it wasn't as bad as the dream I had recently about going to my checkup and discovering I gained 30 pounds in 2 weeks- it was still a lot. With 10 weeks to go- it's time to get serious- because if I keep gaining like I did the last two weeks... I will be... well... it will be too much!

It's not fair though, how the end is when it matters most about your exercise and eating. I was trying to be so good from the beginning- working out, healthy choices. Now, at nearly 30 weeks, I am tired. Working out feels like much more of a chore. I've starting letting myself eat more bad things maybe because I thought I could afford it with how good I was in the beginning. Well, that was delusional. It's time to get back on the horse!

I remember my midwife telling me that women who work out a lot on the beginning of their pregnancies and then stop later on end up growing bigger babies than if they had never exercised to begin with, because they have super efficient healthy placentas. I have to keep going... I don't want to be having a ten pound baby! Thinking about that alone isn't motivation enough though- to put down the pastry and get my walking shoes on- I still just want to sit around and eat cupcakes all the time. I dream about donuts. Big long dining tables piled high with donuts and I just go to town. Although I often fantasize about donuts, I never let myself actually get one. Ha, maybe thats because there is no donut shop within walking distance of my house- just the cupcakery. But no more! It's time to really buckle down and do what I gotta do.

So happy with my 2 free cupcakes from my favorite neighborhood cupcakery I got with my Groupon!

Maybe I should go back to letting Noel be the chef in the house. He makes healthier stuff. The past few weeks my desire to cook returned with full force. It started with pork chops... then came the best lasagna I ever made (with italian sausage!) and then came my best pot roast ever which of course I served with baked potatoes. The loaded baked potato- another thing I've introduced to Lina that she has added to her list as a new American favorite.

We bought our lottery tickets for the big $550 million jackpot, just like the rest of the world. When I asked Lina- "What would you do with all your money if you won the lottery?" first she said she would buy herself new toys and then me... a bigger shirt. Haha- guess she thinks my clothes are getting too small?

So I finally made it to the Motherhood store last week for some essentials. I wanted to get some black panty hose to wear with my dresses- especially for the holiday party we were going to Friday night. They make panty hose special for pregnant women and my friend Kasey said she got some and loved them so I was off to get mine. I had been wearing regular leggings with my dresses and it just doesn't look right.

The verdict- panty hose for pregnant women are the WORST idea ever!!! Maybe it's just me, because clearly they worked for Kasey, who is several weeks ahead of me in gestation... but she's a slender woman, and also a former beauty queen so she's got more skills with stuff like this I guess. I don't know what I was doing with these things in my hands at 7.5 months pregnant.

I got the size that the package said I should use- but they were impossible for me to get on by myself! You know how you have to scrunch them up in your hand before putting them over your feet so you can pull them all the way up. Well first- I could barely reach my feet with my huge belly. But I was determined. I bought these hose special to wear with my dress to the party, I was going to get them on! Once I got them over my feet and started pulling them up they were all too bunched up at the bottom and I continued to need to bend over to get them up if I didn't want to walk around with the crotch of the hose nearly as low as my knees. I only made it so far- I was huffing and puffing and a sweaty mess- and I had already done my hair and makeup- I was starting to look fraggled. I sat on the bed, rested for a minute, then... "Noelllllll..... can you come help me baby?"

He walks in to see me sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed with my legs tied up in black hose like a mermaid. Being the good husband he is, he dutifully gets on the floor to try and help me pull my hose up. He's never touched hose in his life or seen how women get them on... he's pinching at my legs and I'm trying to tell him how to do it, to grab it and bit by bit guide it up, but he doesn't quite get it. "Why do women wear these things!?" he says in the most baffled voice. We could not resist- it was such a funny site we were both rolling on the floor with laughter.

It took a lot of effort and determination- but together we finally got them on right. Then I think to myself what a pain in the butt it will be dealing with pulling them up and down all night when I go to the bathroom several times an hour. And I look down and see a HOLE near my ankle- probably from Noel's persistent pinching. All that work and I decided I couldn't wear them! Well that was a waste of $8 on my special maternity hose. F* those things. I'm never touching them again.

I hope that second time around I can be pregnant in the summer. How nice to just throw loose sun dresses over your head- no need to reach my feet to pull up any hose leggings or other pants. And just slip on some sandals! How nice! My Ugg boots that I bought when the cold weather set on here- I love them- but I can barely pull them over my feet now. I didn't think about that when I bought them. Soon I'm going to have to have Noel put them on me before he leaves for work and just sit around in them all day or I may not be able to wear them anymore.

Everything was great at my check up yesterday. Baby's heart sounds good, he's measuring right on the size he should be. I may look in the mirror and think, "God I'm huge" but I am so happy that Ben is growing to be a big healthy baby.

My midwife asked me yesterday about my "birth plan." I'm like, "ummmm, what plan?" She says, "Well for instance we would like to know things like if you want us to play certain music, if you don't want us to touch your feet, if you want dad to catch the baby..." I'm like- "My plan is to go with the flow." I don't feel like I need to write out an essay about a birth plan- especially over little stuff like rubbing my feet. Umm, yes, as part of my birth plan I require that two people massage me at all times while I am being fanned and fed grapes. Haha- whatever! My mom said some women have special requests like they want to be in labor to the music of Erica Badu until 7cm and then they want the music to be switched to having the song "Somewhere over the rainbow" on repeat so their baby can be born to that song. Ok, if that floats your boat. But I don't really care about little details. I just want to be calm and have the baby and not stress about whether people are following my plan of special requests. How am I supposed to know what I want and don't want? I've never done this before! And it's not like I'm not going to be there.... If I don't like something that's happening I'm sure I will let them know it on the spot. So I'm not going to fret over little details like that. Noel isn't even sure if he wants to catch the baby or not. All of those things we will just feel out in the moment.

Tomorrow I head to Houston for 5 days. I'm having my blessingway on Saturday. So I will have much to blog about when I get back next week!

Happy Holidays!!! I leave you with pictures of my sweet cats... Ooooh, yes, I have turned into weird cat lady! Whatever...

I love it when I catch Liberty sitting like this!

Mr. Thomas Jefferson is such a lap cat!

Paz y amor everybody!

Hello 3rd Trimester

28 weeks!!! Wow! Only 10-14 more weeks before Ben arrives! I am so looking forward to him getting here. Things really have started to feel different the last few weeks. I'm starting to feel more and more ready for his birth. By that I mean, I'm not feeling so scared about it but more excited. I really think that by the time February is here I won't be nervous about it, I'll just be so ready to have him that I'll do anything.

We are 28 weeks people!!! Only 10-14 more to go! WHOA!
I feel like this belly is really starting to pop out. Just in the last few days I've noticed it is starting to get in the way of things. I run into stuff thinking I can slip by like I used to, and at the dinner table I have to stick my neck out way far to  be able to eat over my plate. I guess I can just start using my belly as a table pretty soon!

I've slowed down a little. The insomnia has set in and I'm awake in the middle of the night. What gets me is how hungry I am. I wake up at 2 am starving. And I dont want to eat anything really, but I feel like I have to or I will never be able to fall back asleep. I used to judge a little, the pregnant women that would share stories of sending their husbands out to Taco Bell or Burger King at 1am. I just thought how ridiculous... but I think I sort of get it now. I doubt I will ever ask Noel to do that. I normally just go spoon some yogurt or cottage cheese into my mouth to get my tummy to stop rumbling. But I can see where these women are coming from. If you don't really have anything to munch on in the house I guess sending your husband out is your best option.

This appetite of mine is no joke sometimes. When I do the grocery shopping, I come home with twice as much stuff as Noel does when he goes. It's dangerous.

So what's happened these past few weeks?

We had a nice family trip to Mount Vernon, George Washington's house, a few weekends back. It was really neat! I am glad we went out there. It's beautiful there. Lina seemed to not care so much about seeing the house and the farm. Her favorite parts of the tour were rolling down the hill in the back yard and the gift shop. Haha, reminds me of when I was a kid and my Granny would take Evan and I on tours of historical homes. I think I spent most of the time whining that the house smelled funny. I can really appreciate historic stuff like this now though.

Ben is 26 weeks at Mount Vernon. Look at my 28 week picture. Do you see a difference?

In George's backyard with a beautiful view of the Potomac River

I have been having some interesting dreams the past few weeks. My favorite is the one where I open up my belly and take Ben out to hold him, dress him in his newborn clothes, and then I put him back in.

We threw Lina her 8th birthday party last weekend at Chuck E. Cheese.  It was pretty awesome. She had a blast. We left exhausted, but feeling good that we were able to give her such a happy and memorable party.

I had my sugar test recently. Noel was so great. He came and held my hand while they drew my blood. I was afraid, because the last 2 times I've had my blood drawn the nurse has had trouble getting my vein (apparently because our veins constrict and hide when we are scared) and I had to get stuck in both arms til they could get it. And one time I fainted. I have fainted several times around needles. So, I get a little nervous every time. But this time it was surprisingly easy and not as painful as the other times. So that was a relief! I haven't heard anything about the results yet. I'm hoping that means everything is good.

Noel and I went to a out to lunch recently and the hostess asked if we wanted a table or a booth. I said booth. We got to the booth and the hostess says to me, "Do you think you're going to fit?" I look at her with a scowl, "Are you kidding me!?" The booth was huge! There was plenty of space. A 400 lb person could fit in that booth! I just couldn't believe how stupidly rude this girl was to say that to me. She said it was because recently a pregnant lady came in and didn't fit in the booth because of her belly. But still.... you don't say that! You let me get in and if I'm not comfortable I say so myself and we move. And she could at least have said something more politely like, "Are you going to be comfortable here?"

Our waitress at IHOP yesterday was so sweet. She told me "You look so beautiful." That made me so happy. I wish more people would say nice things to me like that instead of pointing out how huge I am.  Yes, I know I have a big belly. I can't believe I have 2 and a hald more months and it's going to getting even bigger. Probably will even double. I'm just not one of those tiny petite pregnant ladies, and I know that. But please don't tell me what I already know. Pregnant ladies really do not enjoy you telling them how big they are!

Our Thanksgiving was quiet and simple. Just me and Noel at our apartment. But it was still really nice. Noel cooked me a huge special Thanksgiving dinner, even though I told him I thought it was ridiculous to make all that food for just us. But I am so glad he did. It was delicious and really nice to have a special meal on Thanksgiving, especially since we couldn't go spend the holiday with family like we had hoped. I probably should have skipped getting the pumpkin pie. Since it's here I can't help but eat it... I've almost finished the whole pie by myself since Thursday. Buttery fatty Thanksgiving food did not help my "Don't tell me I'm huge" cause. Noel even made his own cranberry sauce, even though I told him it would be ok to just by the can. Well he was right not to listen to me. It was amazing. Way better than that canned stuff! Apparently it's super easy to make. Anyway, thanks honey for giving me a special Thanksgiving meal. Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. It's even more special to me now, because it marks the anniversary of when I met Noel for the first time because he signed up to host scrubby Peace Corps Volunteers.

My yummy meal! Complete with baked mac n' cheese!
To me, it just ain't Thanksgiving without baked mac n cheese!

SO HUNGRY!!!

27 weeks, 2 days at Kasey's house. The little bump in the middle of my belly is because I was wearing an undershirt that was too small and squeezing me there.

I took Lina to the movie theater across the street from our apartment to see Wreck it Ralph and discovered  that they have really comfy leather recliners for seats. Fancy! I wish all movie theaters were that comfy!

Mr. Jefferson cannot stand being separate from us. He sticks his paws under the doors, reaching for us longingly.
He is the cutest, sweetest cat!

Lina lost a tooth this week! Now she has two holes in her head on both sides of her front teeth.
The tooth fairy brought her $1.

After taking it pretty easy for the last few weeks recovering from my nasty cold, I am going back to work tomorrow subbing for a pre-school class. Hopefully I won't get sick again!

Libby says "Whats up?"

Lina loves to offer to rub lotion on my itchy tummy.

Lina hugging her baby brother.

Hope you all had a very happy Thanksgiving! Off to the movies with my boyfriend. Lincoln! Adios!

Paz y amor.

We have a name!

Mabuhay y'all! That's Tagalog for "hello y'all!" That's about the only word I have picked up from Noel and his Tagalog learning. Well, let's see I can say Hello (mabuhay), how are you? (kamustaka), and husband (asawa)... That's pretty good if you ask me! Noel is doing great in his language learning, by the way. He can form sentences now and sort of hold conversations- after only a little over 2 months. So proud of him!

25 weeks

26 weeks

So tomorrow Little Bubba is 26 weeks! Whoa baby! I wasn't feeling him kick much in the last few weeks, maybe because he moved? I, being one of those worry-wart first time moms, was like Baby are you ok in there?? Something must be wrong! But the last few days the kicks, or are they punches?, have returned! They get stronger everyday. I don't freak out and gasp every time I feel them like I used to. I just think they are pretty cool. I especially love when I can see them a little from the outside! It's like, "Oh my god! He's really in there! I can see the proof with my own eyes!" I can't believe in just a few short month we will be holding him in our arms.

We were watching videos of laboring women in our childbirth class last weekend and two things came to my mind. 1) Look how big their bellies are! My belly is gonna get so big! How on earth is my stomach going to stretch out that much?! and 2) What on earth is that like, to go from being very pregnant one minute to not being pregnant at all the next after you push your baby out? I mean, how does that feel, after 9 months of having this baby inside of you, and then all of a sudden it's not. I just can't imagine how that will feel. But how could it be anything but joyous and wonderful? I imagine that by the time we get to 9 months, I will be so ready to just have him here already. I will not mind at all not being hugely pregnant anymore. I will get to be like a normal person again! Well, except I will be a milk machine breastaurant. LoL.

Good thing is we actually had a good Bradley Class last week. Finally, we left feeling like we actually took something useful away from it. Previous classes were all so unfocused, and the teacher would spent time talking about stuff that didn't feel important. Like the good things about bananas and eggs. Or her own experiences with her babies. Well this time we got to practice different laboring positions that we can use, and it really helped me feel a little more confident about things. It was nice. 

Wonderful news! I can't keep it in and wait for it to be a surprise. We have a name! And I'm spillin' the beans... I'm doing it. Why not!? I fell in love with this name when I heard it and just started saying it and it felt good. I felt like, Yea! Amy & Noel totally would have a kid with that name. I could really imagine it. It felt right. And it's nothing fancy or super duper unique and original... but I love it. I feel like it's a good, strong, name. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Soooo... from here on Little Bubba shall be referred to as.....

<3!!!!

I recently saw a black squirrel. Did you know there are black squirrels!? It was so cute! Oh northern Virginia, you are full of beauty. I am also really enjoying the beautiful fall colors that paint the trees. It is getting colder though, something I was not prepared for, since my tiny winter pea coat no longer fits my pregnant self. Until I got the maternity coat I ordered online, I had to walk around in Noel's coat, lookin like this....

Uf... not cute! I felt like a pregnant football player with those huge shoulder pads.

The last few weeks have been rough. Whatever sickness I picked up a few weeks ago just isn't going away. I feel fine now for the most part, but I have this sore throat everyday... and keep losing my voice.  I wake up in the morning and have my voice and my throat feels ok but by the afternoon it's all scratchy again and I sound like Marge Simpson, until the night when it's so bad and my throat is so sore I just have to whisper. It's so weird. I've never had a sore throat this long in my life. What the heck is this? So I haven't worked all week after Monday. I can't go to sub a class if I don't have a voice. I think my body just needs to rest... I worked myself pretty hard there for a while. I can't wait to see what my paycheck is like on the 15th though!!!

Noel looked at me the other night and said, "Your belly is so BIG!" and you know what... I didn't get upset because I know it's true. He said this as I was making my banana froyo- a delicious dessert that my friend Gaby introduced to me. It is AWESOME! It's really saving me, and my ass, from my Ben & Jerry's problem. You just put freeze bananas, then throw them in the blender with some peanut butter or fruit. I added a little honey and milk to mine. But man oh man, what a good idea! I highly recommend this.

Making my banana froyo for the first time... Don't make the same mistake  I did though- Peel your bananas before you freeze them, or you will be cutting the peel off and numbing your hands like I did.

The finished product. So YUMMY!

This big belly makes for a great table to rest my phone on

Lina had a great American Halloween! "The best Halloween ever!" as she put it. Her school took all it's students trick or treating in the morning to the businesses in the neighborhood. She wore a spider princess costume that she made with her mom. Then at night she decided she wanted to be something else. She decided she wanted to be a vampire doctor and used her Doctor jacket she had in her closet already and I painted her face all scary.

Spooky!!!

Last weekend I was pretty tired in the afternoon after running around all morning. One of my favorite things to do when I want to rest is turn on the Relaxation radio station on Pandora on my iPod and hang out in my bed. Lina and the cars decided to join me for a little relaxation time, and she loved it. Something about the music maybe, but I've never seen her be so quiet or still while still being awake.

Relaxin!

Liberty is our weird cat. I thought cats don't like to get wet, but Liberty seems to love it. When we take showers, she waits outside the door and as soon as we are done she runs in to roll around in the tub. Little freak! I don't really mind her doing this, but it also means that squirting her with the water bottle when she's doing something bad does not at all phase her. She seems to enjoy it, unlike Mr. Jefferson that freaks out and runs when he gets squirted.

Libby in her favorite place. Don't worry Libby, I get shy and hide behind the curtain when I'm in the shower too.

Me and Libby practicing our pigeon yoga pose together

Lastly, if you know me well, you know I love spicy food. But these days I just don't quite have the tolerance for it that I used to. Maybe it's because baby Ben doesn't like spicy. I know that when I eat it he sure does dance around a lot. Noel brought me home some Korean food from a food truck this week, and this is what I looked like...

SOOOO HOTTTTT!!!!!
I still love spicy just as much as before, it just hurts more than it used to.
Sometimes it's not worth the pain.

Haha, and I leave you with that lovely picture of myself. Hope everyone is having a wonderful November so far! Until next time, folks.

Paz y Amor.... or in Tagalog (because I just asked...)
Kapayapaan at pagmamahal!!!