D-Day Quickly Approaches

36 week picture

I'll be 37 weeks tomorrow. That's full-term. You know what that means? It's almost go-time! That means that if I went into labor tomorrow we could have our baby safely at home. It means that I have a fully grown and developed baby in this belly. What? Where did the time go? At this rate it feels like perhaps tomorrow I will be crying as he leaves for college.

Coolest refrigerator magnet ever

I'm ok with him taking his time to come out.  This week we had an ultrasound that confirmed he is in position, head down! Thank you God! They saw he had the cord around his neck once, but that's nothing too complicated to go forward with the home birth. The midwives checked me and said I've still got plenty of time for my mom to get here. She arrives on the 6th. My due date isn't until Feb. 16th. I won't at all be surprised if I go past that. Hopefully not too far past it though! That sounds like it might be very uncomfortable!

At my appointment with the midwives, getting checked out

They needed to draw my blood at this appointment.  I am not easy to draw blood from because my veins hide when I get scared of the needle. It took them 3 tries until they finally got it. This is my face on the third try.

My belly has exploded. Lookin' large. It seems like one night, I went to sleep and the next day I woke up and could suddenly feel feet under my ribs high up where I never felt them before. Now he keeps me up at night- I can't sleep because it feels like he is playing my ribs like a harp with his feet. It doesn't bother me too much though. I rather like it, and definitely prefer it to being concerned that I'm not feeling him move at all.

The Belly shot my mom captured today with her Skype camera.
Whoa, Ben is so big now! 

The weeks are sort of flying by. Although this last one was a bit rough. I had a super huge meltdown. About?.... the pains of natural childbirth. What got me going was that my care providers keep asking me at my checkups about whether or not I've be practicing relaxation and breathing, and other pain coping techniques. This whole time I kinda felt like, What do you mean? How am I supposed to practice? You can't practice contractions. I mean I knew there was stuff out there... but it seemed kind of bogus to be practicing- sure its easy to feel relaxed when I'm sitting in my chair in my living room feeling no pain at all.

But after this last appointment when I was asked again if I was practicing I decided to dive into the books and see what was out there. What I read did not help at all. It just freaked me out. I think I would have been better off not getting into any of it... I was feeling perfectly fine with the idea of going into labor with no expectations other than This is going to hurt and I can do this. But no... I had to go and read stuff and practice.

This one book told me to hold ice cubes in my hand while I practice the techniques. First you try the ice cubes without practicing any kind of technique just to gauge how you handle pain. Then you try the breathing and visualizing and all that later. Well the first time I had the cubes in my hand, I got uncomfortable and started holding my breath and getting stressed. It sort of felt like my hand was being burned with liquid nitrogen. I made Noel do it after me, and he made it look like it was so easy. He didn't make a noise, a face, or flinch at all. And so I felt really terrible like I didn't handle it well at all... and how was I going to handle childbirth if I couldn't even get through a minute of holding an ice cube without nearly hyperventilating? So... I had a panic attack about it. I felt like such a weenie for being such a scaredy cat, a cry baby. Noel consoled me and assured me I can do it.

When I finally calmed down, who did I call? My mother of course. She told me she had heard of the ice cube thing before and thought it was ridiculous because contractions feel nothing like ice cubes in your hand. (In my defense, I tried it again later and did much better staying calm and controlling my breathing) Mom also said how she knows I can do it because I've endured plenty of physically painful things- like the amoebas and parasites I had living in me while I was in Peace Corps. She also said many first time moms at 36 weeks feel scared and nervous, just like me. But it's ok, it's because I'm not quite ready yet, and by 38+ weeks I will feel ready. I won't be as scared about it. I just spend too much time right now worrying about stuff ya know. I've always been like that. Now I'm 37 weeks tomorrow, and feeling more ready than I was feeling last week that's for sure. Besides, I spend so much time worrying about labor and birth... but in the big picture that's just one day ya know.... Well... right now it just feels like the most important day of my life and like it's hanging over me... Delivery Day... D-Day...with no knowing of when! This feels like the craziest thing I've ever done. I can't believe there is a big ass baby inside of me! And he has big balls too! Wha? Ew! There are testicles in my belly! Am I the only woman that sounds weird to? The sonographer told us his are swollen- that there's fluid in them so we can expect them to be large when he is born but they'll go down after a while. Haha. I'm sure Ben will really appreciate reading this when he is older!

We finally got some snow this week! It brings a little cheer and excitement to this otherwise very grey winter. Lina's school was delayed two hours the morning that it snowed so Noel and I took her out to try out the sled I bought her for Christmas that we have been holding on to waiting to use. It was her first time ever to go sledding, and she's hooked! We got some great pictures too!

Kitties mesmerized by the snowfall

After her first time down the hill

Noel gives it a try and....

...his graceful landing at the bottom!

Anyway, I'll be keeping busy the next few weeks. I don't have the energy I used to but I tend to keep busy with friends and stuff. It sure beats sitting at home driving myself crazy about the unknowns of the future. I am just doing my best to chill out, not worry, and know that everything will be ok and that my body knows in itself how to do this, and that I will be surrounded with love and support and professionals who know how to help me get through it. Everything will be great... and in the end I imagine D-Day will be the best day of my whole life.

The creation of the Cat Mansion

Noel trying out his new Ergo baby carrier with his baby,  Mr. Jefferson

OMG! This baby is really coming!

35 weeks, after going to the gym

 Yesterday I had a moment where it really hit me what is soon to be happening... Oh my goodness. This baby is really coming. And soon! I started panicking a little. Oh my god, but we're not ready! I still have to get all the supplies for the homebirth. I still have lots of reading to do to prepare. I haven't washed his clothes and blankets yet. I haven't wiped down his changing table. And most of all... I don't know how to be a mom! 

I think the suddenly becoming a mother overnight is the scariest thing. But that's normal right? Most people get nervous about becoming a parent for the first time, I imagine. Of course, I'm still really excited and feeling more ready to get this show on the road everyday. And after my mini meltdown to Noel about it all, he drove me to Target and helped me get everything we need for the homebirth. We got all but a few things, and so I'm feeling better and more prepared now.

I hope the home birth works out. I have no idea what position this baby is in. Last week at my checkup with Dr. Tchabo, after feeling the baby he felt like he was breech again. But it wasn't so worrisome because we know he was able to flip before he can do it again. But then in the afternoon when I saw my midwives the midwives felt like he was head down. What the!?! "You've just got ya a flipper baby" the midwife said. I guess so! I can't tell what his position is... I just feel him moving all over the place. It'd be really nice if he would get head down and just stay there! At this point I'm prepared for whatever ends up happening. We have another ultrasound on the 23rd to check him out.

I can't believe that I've made it this far and still don't have any stretch marks on my belly. Everyone says that your mother is a good indicator of whether you'll get them or not. If she had them you most likely will too. Well, maybe mine will show up at the very end like some women. I will be shocked if I come out on the other side without them on my belly, when it's had to stretch out so much! I was looking at my belly in the mirror this morning. This boy is getting so big! It's going to be so awesome to hold my fat little baby in my arms. Lately when I get up in the night to go to the bathroom around 3 am, I can't go back to sleep because he is moving around so much. It takes me over an hour to fall back to sleep. I'm not complaining though, it's really nice to know he is so active. Maybe in a  few weeks it will feel harder to not complain, as he gets bigger and stronger. But for now it's still cool.

I spent my weekend reading up a lot on what I can do to prepare for labor. I'm not gonna' lie.... Even though I know I can totally do it naturally, I am afraid of the pain. But I read something really awesome and comforting in this one book, Birthing from Within. It talked about how when you experience high levels of pain, you have endorphins released, and that these endorphins kind of put you in a sleepy haze- helping make it possible for you to get through it. It made it sound like this haze blurs everything so you slip off into "Laborland" and are in your own world. And in the end you don't remember it as being bad... all you really remember above everything is the joy of having your baby. That sounds great and helped me not feel as scared. I'm still reading up on all the different things I can do to help with the pain though. Moving around, showers, relaxation, etc. A few weeks from now though I think I will be so ready to get this baby out though, that I may not care at all.... I will just be ready to do whatever I have to to get him here.

Anyway, there's the quick update for y'all. Tomorrow I'm off to a La Leche League meeting to learn some more about breastfeeding. Woooo! I'll be back next week with updates on what happens at my appointments. This is getting real!

With my BPFF (Best Pregnant Friend Forever), Kasey, today
at Silver Diner- our regular hangout spot. She's over 38 weeks and
expecting her baby, Will, any time now!

And now for my staple crazy cat lady pictures:

Spooning Cats!

Mr Jefferson hugging his Daddy

Who needs to buy fancy cat toys!?
Mr. TJ loves his paper bag tunnel I made for him!
Gave him a good hour of fun rolling around and running through it.

End in Sight... week 34

34 weeks... And lookin' a little tired

 Week 34, people!!!! We got the BEST news at our ultrasound last week- Ben flipped AND they couldn't see a cord around his neck at all! How did he do that? They were so certain he wouldn't be able to. Maybe it's because I have a little extra amniotic fluid. Maybe it was just a Christmas miracle! I was right before, I knew I felt like he was kicking me up high... I think that nurse that felt me at my last appointment just couldn't really tell what his position was and guessed wrong. He is smart, my little houdini baby! Shocking us all. I am so so grateful. Now we get to go ahead with our home birth plans! Tomorrow is a full day of appointments and preparation. We have an appointment with the new doctor in the morning to review the ultrasound and confirm what we saw, then an appointment with the midwives in the afternoon, and at night our 2.5 hour birth planning meeting. It's gonna be a long day! But it's pretty cool how real all this is getting. My parents have their plane tickets purchased and a place to stay. The only thing we have left to do really is get supplies for the birth, and some diapers.

We got Ben a stroller! We had selected this very one as our favorite when we  were shopping one day but didn't purchase it. The next time we went into Babies R' Us there it was waiting for us at the front door with red stickers on it. $80 off!!! We couldn't pass it up. We were there to return the green car seat we bought because it made an annoying rattle in our car. We ended up buying the infant car seat (also on sale!) that matches our awesome stroller.

We got this sturdy changing table off Craigslist. It's a bit worn, but you can't beat the price- only $25! Score! When we get to Manila, I'm going to sand it down and paint it white to match his crib. For now, it's just a cat bed. I can't keep them off of it! I don't mind, it's not like I'll ever be leaving Ben unattended on it.

We are so close, I can feel it. Forget that I am tired all the time and can't eat a normal sized meal anymore without getting nausea and acid reflux, and I have to pee more often than I ever thought possible.... I am so happy that baby Ben will soon be here. In just about a month! Lately I don't feel like doing anything. All I want to do is stay home, read, watch TV and take naps. Going out for a meal with friends feels like some big event, enough to keep me content with staying home the rest of the day.

Every now and then I have days out of the blue where I suddenly have lots of energy and do something like bake 4 quiches after 2 trips to the grocery store. Or like yesterday, after an hour of grocery shopping, I still had energy to walk over to the shops near our house and buy huge plastic shelves at the Container Store then lug them to Whole Foods and buy a bag full of food. I got lots of crazy looks from people- being pregnant and lugging these huge things down the street. But they looked a lot heavier than they were, I swear. It was worth it carrying the shelves all the way home. The nester in me is determined to get organized!

Noel and I were at my favorite spot, Silver Diner, recently. I felt fine when we got there but after a short while I started feeling really funny. I felt so so hot and clammy and like I might faint or I could die I was so uncomfortably hot. I was looking around at the other diners and everyone else looked fine, not uncomfortable at all. I started thinking something was wrong, like maybe I was going into labor or something. I had to step outside in the cold with no coat on just to cool off. When I went back in I said something to the manager, he went and checked and the thermostat was up to 80! So good, I wasn't just crazy. Just more sensitive to the warmth than others I guess. I guess this is why they say it sucks so bad to be pregnant in the summer.

Ben is getting so big! My belly is really shaking these days. I love it! Sometimes its a roll, or quick kicks, or just a slow extension of a limb that is stretching out so far I almost feel like I could grab it. I still can't believe there is a big baby in there, and that I created him.

It's official. I am a big pregnant lady. I look forward to shrinking back down soon. I'd like to be optimistic, but I know it's going to take a lot of work on my part. Unlike my friend who recently had her baby and was back in regular pants only a week after. That would be nice, huh.

I was in denial for a while about how much weight I was gaining. At my midwife appointments they have me weigh myself unsupervised and write my weight down on my chart myself. So ok, I would fib a little and subtract like 3-5 pounds each time from what the scale said... thinking "Well I did just have lunch." This is now going to backfire on me when I go to my appointment tomorrow and bring the records from the other doctors office. If they look at my weight from his reports, they will think I suddenly gained a huge amount of weight. I may have to tell them I was fibbing. Because otherwise they may think it is worrisome and something is wrong with me or that I have been taking really bad care of myelf :/ But no... I was just not willing to admit how heavy I was. Other than hormones and tears, I feel like food and weight has been the most challenging part of pregnancy.

Noel is so great. He cooks me healthy dinners and runs out to buy me all the salad and fruit I want when I have the cravings. I have never once sent him out for ice cream or a donut. Potbelly Sandwiches though, several times. I love those sandwiches! Lately I also really love milk. It's the best thing, especially when I am having heart burn issues.

I was hanging out with my buddy Kasey today, possibly for the last time before her baby boy is born. We went to get some dessert at Dairy Queen. I parked the car and went to open the door and said Uh oh I don't know if I can get out. This has happened before, sometimes I forget I am not as slim as I used to be and don't realize I can't squeeze my belly through the door. When this happens I move the car. So as I was opening the door trying to gauge whether I could do it or not, I was holding on the the door and it fell out of my hand to slightly rest on the door of the car next to me. I look in the car and there is an angry lady with her hand up. She immediately gets out and says angrily, "You are hitting my car!" I said I barely touched my door to her car, that I was sorry, it's just I'm pregnant and didn't realize I couldn't get out. "Well just because you're pregnant doesn't mean it's ok to go marking up my car" she says. There were no marks on her car at all. I just said I would move it, and I moved it up and that was that- we went inside for our ice cream and she went in Subway. I couldn't believe what a big deal she made out of nothing.

Then when we came out she gave me the finger, so I gave it back to her, with a smile on my face of course. In hindsight, that was not the right thing to do. My hormones were running on high, but still no excuse. I should have avoided the confrontation- because she then stopped her car, "You got something to say!?" she says, "Do you see the side of my car?"

There was a little scuff on the side of her car but I am positive I didn't do that. You don't get a big scuff on the side of a car from rest it on there in one place. Grrrrr... this woman was ridiculous. She said she got my license plate info and was going to report it. Ummm.... ok lady. Why did you just ask me for my insurance information if it was really that big of a deal. Because it wasn't anything! She was just one of those people that feels like the world is against her, walking around all angry all the time. I learned a lot from this though. I was reminded by Noel that there is no need for any confrontational arguing when stuff like this happens. You just take pictures and exchange info if you have to. And it's only a good idea to give other drivers the finger when you are actually driving yourself, so you can get away. But ok, really, just to avoid doing that at all. That's not really like me anyway, to walk around shooting people the bird. I don't know what I was thinking. Hormones, I guess. Stupid!

So I better get to sleep so I can get some rest for all my appointments tomorrow. Enjoy these pictures!

Liberty has come out of her shell over the last month and is being more social now.

Some days, I just resort to this. Husband's sweats.

My own personal magic show!

I love these smiling faces.

I parallel parked the minivan!!!!
After only 4 tries ... and help from Kasey and the rear camera.
(Note to self: Stripes are not good anymore)

The cats love every single baby purchase that comes in the house.