Oh, This Child of Mine

My baby boy. He sure has given me one heck of a time in this pregnancy- keeping me guessing up until the very end. Today we're at 40 weeks and 5 days, so I'll be 41 weeks on Saturday. Being overdue.... well, it blows! The waiting, oh the waiting. And I feel so surprised to still be waiting because I have been dilated and effaced/softened with him in a great position for weeks now. So why won't he just come out? Yesterday we had a sonogram to make sure he is still well and safe in there, and luckily he is doing just fine, and I am too... aside from my emotions. Physically, I am ok... I feel like I can handle being pregnant for a little bit longer. But not too much longer!

The sonogram revealed his position is posterior, or "sunny side up"- with his back to my back- like this:

It's not really a huge problem- babies can still be born posterior, it just sometimes means longer pregnancy, longer labor, more likely to tear, more likely to need vaccum or forceps or cesarean. He can still try and wiggle himself into a more favorable position, and the odds are in favor of that- about 87% of them are able to turn. He does have the cord around his neck once, maybe that's keeping him from wanting to turn, who knows. Anyway- we are going to give him some more time to come on his own, but if he doesn't come by Monday I'm probably going to the hospital to get induced. We have the induction scheduled for 8 am Monday. Research shows that inductions done at 41 weeks have more successful rates of vaginal birth than inductions done at 42 weeks. But I don't know, we'll see what happens this weekend. I still have more time to think about it, and as long as he is still ok in there that's what matters.

I have had some desperate moments.... just wanting him to come. Tired of waiting. Tired of pregnant. Tired of people asking me "How far along are you?" Worried he will come too late and my parents might be gone. I've stressed out too much about it, I know. But it's hard not to. It's such a big thing! I've been taking special herbs, and using primrose oil, eating all those spicy foods and pineapple, and doing all those things that are recommended as natural ways to induce labor. None of them have done a damn thing. Last night I started thinking I should just drink some castor oil as my last resort. I thought maybe it would be more favorable to drink castor oil as opposed to going to the hospital for a medical induction. But I was talked out of it. Once you drink it you can't go back and get it out... you shit your brains out, it can dehydrate you and put your baby under stress and you wouldnt even know it because you aren't able to monitor how he's doing at home. It's better not to go that way. I dont want to take the risk. I guess I can try doing some exercises to get him into a better position, and also... first timers are normally late.... everything is fine. Just so ready.

Poor Lina- yesterday she asked me, like she has almost everyday for the last 2 months, "Was Ben born yet?!?" And yesterday I was just so emotional about the fact he still wasn't here and my just scheduled induction.... I snapped at her, "Don't ever ask me that ever again. When he is born you will know it." And she said, "But how will I know?" and I said sharply, "Well I won't have a huge bump on my belly and you'll see a baby!" I was just so tired of it all ya know. Still, she's just a kid, maybe she really doesn't get it and I shouldn't have responded like that. I apologized to her. Things will be better for us all when he comes.

We are so ready for you Ben! Pleaaaaaase be born soon!

40 weeks + 1 day

40 week picture.
Wow I am so white!

 Yesterday was my due date. Waking up, it felt like an achievement to have made it all the way to 40 weeks. My Facebook status yesterday morning:

It's here! February 16, 2013. Ben's DUE DATE! and the day thats been marked as "HOLY SH*T!" in my calendar for all these months. When will he come? Today? or will today just pass with no baby? Am I just jinxing myself by wishing for it so badly?

Well the day passed. And that's ok. I was feeling a little guilty that my parents came so early before my due date and nothing ended up happening and now I am overdue. But I have no control over this obviously. And mom said that waiting here is a lot better than them waiting so far away all the way down in Texas. I also was feeling a little disenchanted upon my due date's arrival yesterday morning because I felt like I knew nothing would be happening... maybe for many more days.

I had some weepy moments in the last days when I was just feeling so uncomfortable. When I couldn't get up off the couch without help, or when I take a step sideways or try to put a pillow between my legs while laying down and I had this shooting pain in my pubic bone. I was just feeling done. Tired. Ready. I woke up one morning and said, "I don't care if I tear all the way through my asshole, I just want him to come now!" (a very different attitude from my fright I had about childbirth at 36 weeks). Noel and I gave Ben a talking to- "Come on, Ben. Mommy's ready for you. We are all so excited to meet you. If you are ready, you can come out now. Please!" yada yada.....

I was in much higher spirits yesterday morning after my breakfast at Silver Diner with Noel and Lina. In the words of my mom "It's amazing the power food has over me in pregnancy." This is why I have gained 50 pounds. EEK! I'm hoping I'll lose 25-30 of those pounds with the birth. Then I'm gonna have some work to do. Anyway... I treated myself to a 30 minute reflexology foot massage to celebrate my due date. So worth it! I got to the place and was telling the therapist to work his magic and make me go into labor- because reflexology is one of those things on list of how to naturally induce... he didn't speak hardly a lick of English and had no clue what I was talking about. I wasn't really expecting it to work, but the desk lady translated what I was trying to say anyway. In the end it was really fabulous. You know how you go to get a pedicure and what you really want out of it is the foot rub but it only lasts a few minutes? This really satisfied! My whole entire body felt amazing afterwards. Maybe there really is something to reflexology and all those pressure points in your feet. I got home feeling so good and relaxed and had an amazing nap. And I woke up in the late afternoon feeling amazing and was having constant Braxton Hicks contractions through the evening. I was like, "Whoa, the reflexology worked!" Especially after my dinner I was having constant contractions... and some of them felt even stronger and more intense than I've ever had. I was pretty sure it wasn't real labor or anything... but I just felt like I had to call mom and tell her! I was expecting her to say it was probably nothing- but she said it sounded like maybe my body was gearing up, that it could be happening soon- that night or any day. She encouraged me to rest and get some sleep, have a little wine, and just try to relax. I hung up feeling like, "OMG OMG OMG Holy shit, is this happening!" I got excited, but also nervous. When one contraction felt so big and tight and put lots of pressure on the "Exit door" I thought "OH NO! This is crazy! How is this watermelon baby gonna come out of there?! That's gonna hurt!" So I instantly took back what I said about not caring if baby rips me through my a-hole. I care. A lot. LoL.

I took a shower and felt much more relaxed after. And then I felt like the contractions had eased up. So I guess it all just could have been false labor... "Maybe Ben sensed that I got nervous" I told mom. To which she replied, "I don't think it works like that." So ok, I just wasn't in labor. "You're either in labor or your not" is what I'm told. So I wasn't. But I will be eventually. We are closer than we've ever been. I will do my best not to get so anxious. It will happen when it happens. He will be here soon enough. And I am just going to enjoy these last days before everything changes. I will cherish these last moments with my husband before we become parents together. I will treasure these last kicks and days of having Ben all to myself, not having to share him with anyone. Carrying him all this time I already can feel some of what is so special about being a mother. Even if it's gonna be tough, I'm looking forward to labor and bringing baby Ben into the world. See you soon Ben!

The two best winter pregnancy purchases I ever could have made-
This maternity coat and Ugg Boots. I have been able to wear them both everyday since October,
and they are lasting me all the way til the end! At 40 weeks, there's not too much room left to grow in the coat though! 

On Valentine's Day, Noel gave me the most beautiful gift- these earrings and necklace. He said it was more of a push present than a Vday gift. The stone is amethyst- Ben's birth stone! How sweet and thoughtful is that!? I love love love them! And purple is my favorite color!

All the girl scout cookies Lina sold! 

40 weeks with shirt down.
Does the belly look bigger with the shirt up or down?

The Last Blog Before Ben

From Monday Feb. 4th:

Yesterday I had some funny feelings that I hadn't felt before. I was brushing my teeth and when I stood up straight I felt some pressure, like something was moving down in my pelvis. It definitely grabbed my attention. Then it happened again a little while later, and I was like, "Whoa, cool! Something is happening!" I had no idea what it was, maybe it was just the baby dropping lower just like they say he is supposed to around now. I don't know. So I called my mom to tell her, just because I was so excited that I was feeling something new, even though I had no idea what it meant.

Mom wasn't supposed to come until Wednesday, and she kept saying to not do anything that might make me have the baby before she gets here. I'm like, "Ok, I'll try not to have the baby!" even though I am so ready for him to be here. Then later she calls me while I'm watching the movie Brave with Noel and Lina saying that she looked and can change her flight to come today. She wanted to know if that was ok with us, and of course it is! It's just 2 days early anyway.... but it will be nice to know that we are in the safe zone to have the baby and not have her be missed. I highly doubt I'll be having a baby before Wednesday anyway.... I said, "Watch, you'll come early and he won't be born until the end of February!" Haha.... but whatever.... you can never be sure with these kinds of things. And I said, "Well how does Dad feel about this?" her coming early and spending even more time apart from him. Dad said something like he would rather her come early than have to hear about how she missed her first grandbaby's birth for the rest of his life. Haha.

February 9th:

No baby yet! I'm 39 weeks today and feeling pretty good. I don't have the same crazy amount of energy I had a week ago when I felt like superwoman and was washing load after load of laundry, cooking dinner, and cleaning the house- all at the same time. But I'm feeling pretty good! With the due date a week from today- I can't stop wondering when the big day will be! Last week I said I was fine with being pregnant, that I wasn't in any hurry. Well that has changed! I can't stop asking everyone about how they felt when it started, if they knew it was coming. Mom's talking about contractions, I say, "I need those. How can I get some?" The only answer to that is... go to the hospital and get induced. But I know I don't want that. I just need to patient. I got checked on Tuesday and was 1cm and it looks like I'm getting a good start already. Perhaps it's more about when Ben is ready. Maybe he just needs a little more time. You don't take a cake out of the oven before it's done baking.

It's nice having mom right down the road from us, and Dad will be here soon too, on Tuesday! How lucky I am to be so loved by my parents that they are taking all this time out of their lives to be here for me and the arrival of my first baby. I feel so much love and support from all my family and friends who have been calling me to see how I'm holding up and sending sweet gifts. I am so grateful! I can't wait to make the big announcement!

Last weekend we went bowling at the army base nearby. I didn't bowl myself, I just watched Lina and Noel bowl. It was my first time ever on a military base. They are pretty neat! I had no idea they were like their own little cities- with stores, restaurants, post office, town hall.... It was so cute.

February 13th:

Tina Tuner, our minivan, is finally in the shop getting fixed! We got a sexy Nissan Murano SUV in her place... a Nissan Murano. Sorry Tina, we love you, but you just aren't that hot.

Haven't felt much like blogging this week. I kept writing little blurbs but didn't feel like I had enough energy to write anything good. I didnt even take my 39 week picture. I forgot. But it looks a lot like week 38, and will look a lot like week 40 so.... eh... At this point I'm just tired and ready to do this.

Dad got here yesterday evening, so now everything really is ready to go! We're just waiting.... so I'm going to plan to not blog again until I can come back here with the good news.

Thanks to everyone for reading and following me along my journey through pregnancy. It's been wonderful being able to share my experiences with you and I appreciate the love and support you have given me in return.

See ya on the other side!

Love!

I may have forgotten to take the belly shot this week, but I never fail to take a picture of a cat!
Liberty loves lounging in Ben's car seat.

The only picture of me during week 39...
Noel snagged it... but doesn't do much for the belly does it.

Noel surprised me with flowers this week :)
We had to ghetto rig a vase with a soda bottle and this fruit basket. The basket turned out
to be a great thing- saving the vase from being knocked over by the cats.
My cats chewed them all up within a few days :/ At least they weren't poisonous to them!

Not the End of the World

What a day I had yesterday! It felt like the worst day of my entire pregnancy. I was so emotional, like I thought it was the end of the world- all because I ran my brand new minivan into a pole in my parking garage. I just felt so stupid- because it was 100% preventable... and that morning we had a very light snow on the ground so I was concerned about driving but oh, driving was fine. I dropped Lina off at school, made it all the way to Target and back without any problems. Yes, it wasn't until I had safely made it home into my dry parking garage that I mess my car up. I blame my pregnancy brain. I just wasn't paying attention. I think I just have so much on my mind with baby coming, and since I was driving in a very familiar place, I was just kind of driving on robot mode. Then I had a rude awakening from it with the sounds of the side of my car crunching. Doh! It just feels so bad when you create problems for yourself by being careless, ya know?

So I cried like a maniac about it, of course. I am certain I would not have been crying about it much at all if I weren't the intensely emotional pregnant lady I have earned a reputation for. I called Noel during his class to tell him, I just couldn't wait til he was done. Then I called both my parents to cry about it some more. I know. It's just a car repair, it will get fixed, that's what insurance is for. But nothing was making me feel better- I just let myself be hysterical til I passed out for hours. I woke up still sad.... Finally by about 7pm I forgave myself for this accident. I know I shouldn't have been so hard on myself. I just felt so bad- because it's not just my car, it's my husband's car too- that we share. She was our perfect car. But these things happen. And here she is now... our poor car, who has now earned the name Tina Turner:

I believe this picture doesn't reveal how deep the dent really is.

Aside from my accident, things are great. Baby is kicking and wiggling a ton. Last night I thought to myself, "Oh my god- he is SO big... and he has to squeeze out through that little hole!?" EEK!" But I'm not crying or being as much of a scaredy cat about it as a few weeks ago. Just ready for him to come already. Wow, that was 2 weeks ago today that I had my meltdown about my fears of childbirth. Time FLIES! My due date will be here just 2 weeks from today! Amazing.

37 weeks

Today, 38 weeks.
I think I may look larger in person.
I think I even look larger in my 37 week picture above,
probably because of that dress I was wearing.

My belly button hasn't popped out. I'm wondering if it ever will. It's just looking really shallow. Sometimes I have felt like the kid is pushing out on it, and it feels so strange, like my belly will burst open because he's trying to bust out that way. Today he has been moving non-stop. Perhaps it's the country music we have been listening to. Maybe that's what is getting him going.

My prenatal checkup on Thursday was extremely uneventful. Everything is looking good! My midwife gave me a chart to help me keep track of his kicks. I've done it once. You're supposed to lay down and time how long it takes to get 10 movements. You need to have 10 in an hour. I don't really feel like filling it out when I know that he's way beyond 10. I feel like I can just tell he's doing fine. I always notice when he hasn't been as active and that's when I lay down to count.

I've started taking these "gentle birth" herbs that are supposed to help my body in getting ready for labor. I think they are working because I've been feeling more contractions everyday and Ben is looking a lot lower now. Last night I think I had a few contractions that woke me up. They weren't painful, I just felt my tummy tightening all on its own. D-day really is getting close! And all I want to do is stay home in my nest. I don't really feel like being out there in the world driving around... especially after what happened yesterday!


Last weekend we went to a Filipino festival out in Gaithersburg, Maryland. It was fun to be introduced to some of the culture and food. Fortunately, I liked most of what I ate! The best part was that Noel's language teacher dressed us all up in some traditional festive garb.

Awkward family photo... lol!
I am sure we have many more of these kinds of photos in store for us in our future.

Noel trying out the jumping/dancing stick thing... "Tininkling" they call it. The ladies on the ends opened and closed the sticks while he  had to jump in and out of them. 

The "cebuanas" dancing

Hanging out before things got started

Chillin' after enjoying some good catnip

Well I'll be keeping everyone updated! Pretty soon I will be retiring this baby belly blog... closing the book on the baby belly days! Woohoo!

Peace and Love to all!