I try to be active everyday for at least 30 minutes. Usually it's walking, but some days it's swimming laps! Yesterday I went swimming, and I thought I was such a slow poke because it's takes me twice as long to do the number of laps I used to do. I was thrilled when I found I was leaving the people in the lanes next to me in the dust. Maybe that's not the best measure, they could just be really really slow people. But it made me feel good, like I am so fast and I thought, Ha! AND I'm almost 4 months pregnant!
Some days I think my hunger and cravings subside a little. But then yesterday I felt like a hungry animal eating machine monster. I was feeling kinda bummed, and I couldn't even put my finger on why. Hormones. When I went out to run some errands, I felt hungry. I stopped at McD's for a Cajita Feliz (Happy Meal), no toy please- can't eat that! Then I drove by a Mister Donut, the best donut place in El Salvador, whose donuts I have been day dreaming about and craving for weeks.
After getting these guilty pleasures in my belly, I was suddenly a totally different person than before. I felt so happy. Guess that "Happy" Meal really lived up to it's name. So is it possible that I just needed a little bit of self indulgence to get rid of those blues? I was glad to be feeling better, but frightened by the power this food had over me. I guess it's ok, I just can't do it all the time.
Food seems to be the hardest thing about pregnancy these days. I really care about what I'm putting in my body and feeding my baby, but it's so hard to make good choices sometimes. When I go to the cafeteria for breakfast and see before me hard-boiled eggs and fruit and then pupusas... I almost always want the pupusas. At least right now my excuse is that it's my last weeks in El Salvador and I will never again be able to get pupusas like these. They don't taste the same in the states.
I went to the doctor after breakfast this morning for a bee sting I got 2 weeks ago that still itches. The doctor took my being there as an opportunity to catch up on my pregnancy med records. I was fine with this, I needed to do that with them anyway. And when she asked if I wanted to listen to the baby's heartbeat I was all about it. It's always so fun to hear! I even had the doc call Noel to see if he could come upstairs from his work for a sec to listen. He didn't get to be there to listen in person when I was in Texas, so it was nice to hear it together. It was so easy to find now that Little Bubba's grown more.
I was leaving that office a very happy mama. Then the doctor shouted at me after I'd walk out the door, "Mrs. Hartley! I forgot to weigh you!"
I frowned. "Noooooo, I don't want to. I just ate a big breakfast!"
I reluctantly stepped on the scale with my eyes closed. I didn't want to see. It's much better to weigh yourself first thing in the morning before you eat, so you can know your true weight. I knew whatever the scale said would be scary and disappointing. And oh boy, was it. I couldn't believe it. "Noooooo. Noooo. That's not right," I kept saying.
Then I asked her to tell me what my weight was when I was there in April. I swear to god she wrote that down wrong. I think she wrote it down as me being 10 pounds lighter than I actually was. So now, it looks like I've gained an insane amount of weight since April. But believe, I know that I was not that light in April.
I now left the office baffled and sad, and regretting my pupusa breakfast, and my mister donut, and my cajita feliz from yesterday. Wanting to cry. I have to be better.
I know, I know. I'm normal. You are supposed to gain weight when you are pregnant. But it's supposed to be slow and steady. I think I really am fine. If I weigh myself in the morning before eating, the number will be kinder, and more of what I expect. And in my defense, her scale was on the heavy side. As soon as I got home 20 minutes later I stepped on our scale and it said I was 2.5 pounds lighter than hers. That scale is a lying P.O.S. So there.
So! In other news, aside from obsessing over food and weight...
I've been having lots of dreams about airplanes lately. Particularly plane crashes. EEK! Scary! At least I'm not having those weird pregnancy dreams where I am being intimate with all kinds of really inappropriate people. But why airplanes?
The first one, I was on the plane when it was going down. This was the worst one. The kind where I woke Noel up to hug me it was so vivid and real and scary. The next dream, I witnessed a plane crash in Houston. The plane went down right before my eyes, and then my parents dropped me off at the airport to fly back to El Salvador and I didn't want to get on the plane. The third one wasn't really scary. It was Noel was flying a little plane with just the two of us all the way to the Phillipines, and I was afraid he would fall asleep and the plane would crash. Any interpretations of what these dreams mean are welcome.
I used to not be scared of flying at all. These days, I get fairly nervous about flying. I think it's because I watched this show with Noel that he really likes, about specific plane crashes and why they happened. Ever since seeing those shows I have gotten more nervous about flying. I hope I can get over this. I have a lifetime of flying ahead of me. I am more likely to die in a car accident or of cancer. So I just need to chill out. It'd be really great if I could stop having these dreams though.
I'm still going to bed very early almost every night. I barely make it to see 8:00 now. I just get sleepy. And then I wake up at 5:30am. It's not so bad though. I'm enjoying getting all these hours of sleep. I should enjoy it now while I still can, huh.
People tell me my belly has really grown lately. I can see it a little too! The fun part of pregnancy is here!
Here's last weeks picture!
 |
| 14 Weeks!!! |
No comments:
Post a Comment